​I thought it appropriate to follow up my last blog with a recap of my recent March Madness experience at Title Boxing Club. For those of you just joining us, this was a fun check-in challenge organized by my gym. When I first signed up for the challenge, I thought it would be a great way to get out of a mental funk and also rev up my fitness routine in time for my upcoming wedding (I have a serious fat-arm-photo-phobia). Even though the challenge was all in good fun, I decided to take it seriously by committing to attend every single class I could possibly squeeze in. I also bit the bullet on purchasing PT sessions since that was already a part of my wedding budget. Out of 64 competitors, I made it to the Final Four…and then (drumroll please) I won!

​​Each week (each day, actually) involved various trials and triumphs. Here are some worth mentioning: 

​TRIALS
The Swamp Monster
Waking up at 5:30am for 6am classes never got easier. I started referring to myself as a Swamp Monster due to my pitiful half-crawl from the bed to the bathroom, damp tangled hair from last night’s shower, fumbling in the dark, gargling low-pitched obscenities, muscles revolting with anger under my skin as I struggled to put on socks while I peed (a brilliant maneuver that afforded me an extra thirty seconds of sleep, thank you very much). I’m pretty sure I never truly shook off the Swamp Monster until Round 3 of each class, after the ibuprofen, protein bar, and jumping jacks kicked in.

Time Crunch
In order to go to as many classes as possible (sometimes 7-8/day!), I had to plan every minute of my waking hours in advance. When I wasn’t working or working out, I was showering, packing a bag full of clothes, figuring out what/when to eat, and doing laundry. SO MUCH LAUNDRY. Other standout moments include the time I wore active wear under a dress to work and hustled to a class on my lunch hour, changing in my car on the way back and returning to my desk both breathless and braless. Another day, I ate greasy Jack in the Box fries out of the trunk of my car a handful at a time between classes just so I wouldn’t freaking die. There was no time for kale, people!

TRIUMPHS
Work It
Once other members started noticing that I was basically living at the gym, I was asked a few times if I even had a job. I will admit that a flexible work schedule came in very handy to make it to the end of this competition, but prioritizing my multiple jobs around boxing became a trade of its own! I even worked out of state for three of the five weekends, but I always strategized how to maximize my points regardless. It got a little nuts, y’all. Like driving straight through the night after a gig in Utah nuts. But as the wise Kevin Gates once said, “I got 6 jobs, I don’t GET TIRED!”

Pushing Through Pain
Straight out of the womb, I was blessed and cursed. Blessed with dimples that won’t quit, and cursed with a slipped disc in my lower back. When doctors advised me to give up basketball in college, I ignored them and subsequently destroyed the remaining cushion between two vertebrae. Now those bones make like the Night at the Roxbury guys on the nerves running down my right leg, causing a host of other problems all the way down. Exercise is tricky with these injuries because strengthening the muscles increases stability, yet excessive activity with minimal recovery time results in inflammation and pain. Striking a balance between pushing myself and protecting myself is something I’m proud of because it showed me that injuries are more of a yield sign than a stop sign. You slow down, but you keep going.

Thank You for Being a Friend
Developing friendships with members, teammates, and trainers was the icing on the cake of this challenge! I have a wonderful core group of friends and tons of music and work buddies, but I am always on the lookout for like-minded, goal-oriented, fun-loving people. Title Boxing Club is crawling with them! Sometimes I felt like a seven-year-old school girl, rushing home after class, excited to tell my fiancée Audrie that I made a new friend. Yes, I’m a nerd. But I’m the friendliest nerd you’ll ever meet. I enjoyed being on Team Nate because we took it seriously in the same ways (pushing our  personal limits, reaching individual goals) but we also found humor and camaraderie in the experience. Shout out to my fellow final four teammates James and Yaritza for all making it to the 100+ point club, and to our trainer Nate for spending MANY hours with us to help us make it to the end. Not pictured but definitely also appreciated is Jesus who supported me in so many ways each week, from donating one of his PT time slots to me to teaching me about the value of wireless headphones to nursing a busted blister on my hand with alcohol because I was too chicken to do it. As the wise Jack Black once said, "That's fucking teamwork."

WHAT DID I LEARN?
Now that the madness has passed, I have been able to pinpoint specific lessons that can be applied to life in general. Here are my top three takeaways:   
 
Modify Your Mind
I started this journey in attempt to combat some pretty heavy depression and anxiety. I’m happy to report my mental state has improved. However, my mind has YEARS of conditioning in the negative self-talk department, so I wasn’t surprised when it hurled a series of insults at me with skill and precision even after clinching first place:
 
-Way to go, loser. You won a competition that doesn’t even matter.
-The only reason you won is because you did Personal Training so you basically paid for points.
-The only reason you won is because you have a flexible schedule. 
-You won and you’re still fat and you still eat too much.
-You only won because no one else cared about this.
-You're mom is dying of cancer, your sister is doing all the care-taking, and you're spending all your time boxing. Fucking selfish. 
 
Welcome to my brain, ladies and gents. It can get dark and mean up there. But just like physical exercise involves repetition and modifications (which I excel at - just ask the permanent bruises on my knees after logging about 1 million modified push-ups), mental exercise demands the same. With lots of practice and purposeful intention, I am able to challenge those negative thoughts with positive rebuttals. Sure, PT sessions and flexible hours were valuable tools in the competition, but I put in the work day in and day out. And while I may not have lost a pound, my clothes fit much better. And even if others didn’t take it seriously, I made a commitment to do my best and I exceeded my own expectations. The mom stuff - well, that's going to take more practice. The work never stops, and that's okay.
 
Make Time for Yourself
I am the girl who will work hours of overtime without being asked. The girl who will cancel lunch plans with a friend if I need to spend the rest of the afternoon working on band business. The girl who forgets to go outside because I must finish my oh-so-important to-do list.  This challenge forced me to stop being that girl. For five weeks I was able to disregard all fear of the future and fully embrace the present moment. The world kept spinning, my work and music career didn’t come tumbling down around me, and all those precious minutes and hours I once flippantly donated to some question mark in the future turned into wonderful, unapologetic, in-the-moment me time. More me time resulted in less anxiety, better sleep, and deeper appreciation for simplicity. I felt happy for a change. I’m determined to hang onto that me time and use it for all kinds of other things that make me happy. Like hanging out with my new friends, or writing this blog, for example.
 
The Power of Love
You wanna know what prize I really won? Her name is Audrie. Talk about someone being in your corner! She supported me in every way imaginable, from sacrificing nearly all of our already-limited time together, to rubbing my aching muscles, to giving me pep talks during moments of mental and emotional fatigue, and the list just does not end. While the difficulty of this competition pales in comparison to other challenges life has thrown or will throw our way, our love not only endures through hard times, it flourishes. She gives me an incredible supply of strength that no amount of working out could ever provide. Love is the strongest of all things because it simply does not quit. I will love Audrie for all of life’s rounds, and I am so grateful she loves a Swamp Monster like me. 

I’ve been meaning to do a little write-up on my experience as a member of Title Boxing Club, but I’ve been a little bit pre-occupied, um, being a member of Title Boxing Club. This month I’ve been particularly devoted since they’re doing a special promotion called March Madness, which I affectionately refer to as “torture for competitive people who miss playing college sports.” More on that later.

We’re always taught that if we don’t have something nice to say, we should say nothing at all. What about when we have extremely nice things to say? We should say them, right? Right. So here goes: a love letter to TBC, for goodness’ sake:

Prior to joining Title, my workout routine mostly consisted of playing basketball (still do that), Instagramming pictures of my hot fiancée while she worked out (still do that), and trying to find something semi-interesting to stream on Hulu while suffering through 5K run/walks on the treadmill (never want to do that again). I knew boxing clubs existed in my hood, and I was intrigued yet intimidated by them. So I kept a safe distance…whilst stuffing my face with Cheetos:

​Several months have passed now, and I find myself trying to pinpoint what it is about Title that I’ve responded to so positively. After leaving behind my college basketball days and begrudgingly entering adulthood, exercise was always something I did “if I had time” for it. Work came first. Music came first. Happy Hour came first. Checking my email came first. Starbucks came first. Hating how all my clothes fit and going shopping for new ones came first. You get the idea. Since joining Title, I now find myself prioritizing as many activities as possible around my workout routine. I’ve struggled for years with body image, food, and weight issues. I think there are many explanations for this, the most important one being that I never truly believed that taking care of myself should come first. I realize that this is something I have in common with so many people. If you are a member of the exercise-as-an-afterthought club, allow me to share a few reasons why Title helped me shift my focus.

The Emotional Connection
I’ve come to learn that every single person is carrying around what my therapist refers to as a “grief backpack.” Some are bigger and heavier than others, but everyone’s got one. My grief backpack started overflowing late last year and into 2016. From my grandpa’s death, to my best friend’s hospitalization, to day job frustrations, to music career insecurities, to my mother’s terminal brain cancer and unyielding disappointment in me for being the heathen lesbian that I am, I was packing enough guilt and shame and sadness and fear to fill a grief landfill. If you clicked on any of those links, you can see I use music to process grief, but those pesky emotions took a toll on my body in a way that writing a song couldn't heal. I found myself riddled with panic at night, overcome with depression in the morning, emotionally eating, sleep starving, and drifting further and further away from the ambitious, driven, and purposeful “me” I once knew. I could tell the depression was starting to take over when getting out of bed became the most excruciating decision of my day. Thanks to Title Boxing Club, I hung on by a tiny little thread. I now have a place where I can literally fight to protect my body from my mind. Each workout allows me to unpack all those emotions in a physical, tangible way. I may never completely knock out those negative feelings, but I get to walk away each day knowing I at least roughed them up and showed them who’s boss.

​The Community Connection
As we get more and more comfortable with an online existence, I believe human interaction will be harder to naturally come by than the “old days.” (How ancient does that make me sound, on a scale of 80-100?) Trust me, I don’t really love interacting with people all the time. To be honest, I’d prefer Netflix and chill to Coachella and hyperventilate any day. However, something positive happens when you stop placing yourself in front of a screen full of fictional Shonda Rhimes characters and start placing yourself in a room full of real life people who are trying to better themselves. Every Title trainer has a completely unique approach and members are so diverse in athleticism and age, but every session emits a “oneness” that appeals to my basic craving for a better world and a more activated human experience. Given today’s 24/7 feed of negative politics and divisive media, it’s SO REFRESHING to participate in this undeniable exchange of positive energy. What’s more, Title hosts periodic philanthropic events and commits to a monthly charity partnership so each time a member checks-in on Facebook, something equivalent to an angel getting its wings happens. It’s an added value of membership that makes me feel like I’m getting something and giving something at the same time. I admire Title for caring about the well-being of their community just as much as the well-being of their members.

The Personal Connection
You know how you can change the voice on your GPS from a smug and snobby Siri to a warm and fuzzy Morgan Freeman? I’ve discovered that the only times I’ve ever experienced real personal growth in my life are when I changed my inner voice from a fear-mongering asshole who thinks I can’t do anything right to a die-hard fan who would bet all their money on me in Vegas. Self-perception is all about what you let the voice in your head say to the ears in your heart, and Title’s amazing instructors remind me to keep that script positive. From Taylor’s “I can do ANYTHING for 10, 9, 8..” countdown to Nate’s “Your pace is your pace! But do not stop!” mantra, each class is a compassionate yet motivating testament to my own abilities, potential, and self-worth.    

The Love Connection
Okay, so real talk…I’m not as enlightened as I’d like you to believe. It may sound silly to anyone who has never experienced the self-loathing that can result from looking a picture of yourself, but one of the reasons I decided to join Title is completely vain: I have a wedding coming up and I’m terrified of having fat arms in my pictures. Our friend Jaymee is also getting married this summer, so we’ve adopted a full-on “sweating for the wedding” strategy, making sure to check in and motivate each other to attend classes. I love that Audrie and I are taking boxing classes together to “prepare” for our wedding. It shows me that we are a great team that can have fun while working toward common goals. Again, it might sound silly, but I believe that will translate over into a strong relationship and successful marriage. Leave it to a couple of lesbians to fall even more in love during a boxing class.

​March Madness
My favorite Bob Dylan quote is “he not busy being born is busy dying.” We are all fated, and it’s up to each of us whether or not we want to look at that as a miraculous blessing or a hopeless curse. I usually do a decent job of staying on the miraculous blessing side of the fence, but as stated earlier, the trauma of recent events was threatening to pull me over to the dark side. So when the Title trainers announced a few weeks ago that they would be holding a bracket-style March Madness check-in challenge, I decided this would be a perfect way to evacuate from the mental madness I was already inflicting upon myself. I’m happy to report in my first week I took 13 classes and 2 personal training sessions (compared to my typical 3-4 classes/week). I’ve committed to pushing myself at this rate for a full month, regardless of whether or not I advance against my opponents in the challenge. The only person I’ve ever really struggled to compete with is myself, and thanks to Title Boxing Club, I’m finally starting to become my own teammate. ​

So there you have it. My cheesy thank you card to a gym that came into my life at precisely the right moment. If you're inspired to give it a shot, you're in luck - first class is free! Let me know if you wanna come try it with me!

There is something so genuinely positive and uplifting about this man. His whole job is to make people smile, and he takes that job seriously. I love everything he does, especially with JT. But Ellen, too?! I smiled the whole time. Thanks, Jimmy.

This guy gets it!